Every time I witness one of those nauseating commercials about diamond engagement rings, I cringe--especially the one where the girl takes her boyfriend back just because he shows up at the door with a big diamond ring. Those advertisements diminish marriage and commitment. In reality, commitment is the true shining jewel of a relationship. And many same-sex relationships exemplify strong commitment. Gay couples deserve the right to marry, because gay marriage is about rights. Not rings.
Moms, we can't turn our backs on the quest for gay rights. Not this time. Not any more.
I firmly believe the right to gay marriage is inevitable and that mothers will be the kind and gentle force to help achieve that reality.
And when it happens, the naysayers can huddle in hollow discrimination--or maybe go out and buy diamond rings so they can feel better about themselves.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Talented transsexual sportswriter sadly takes own life
When I opened my Sunday issue of The Arizona Republic, I stared into a story that gave me chills. Mike Penner, 52, a sportswriter for the Los Angeles Times for more than 25 years reportedly committed suicide. It was in April, 2007, in an article headlined "Old Mike, New Christine," that he revealed to his readers that he was a transsexual.
"It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundred of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type these words," Penner wrote.
Though the announcement shocked many of his readers, the Times was supportive. Penner said that going public with his transition was the hardest thing he had ever done.
"How do you go about sharing your most important truth, one you spent a lifetime trying to keep deeply buried, to a world that has grown familiar and comfortable with your facade?" he asked.
This story was heartbreaking. An extremely talented person--who did not deserve the personal suffering he endured--reached such desperation that he took his own life.
I hope that his truth and bravery will help to honor his memory in a way that will help other people NOT to keep their truth buried simply because those in their world are familiar with a facade.
"It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundred of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type these words," Penner wrote.
Though the announcement shocked many of his readers, the Times was supportive. Penner said that going public with his transition was the hardest thing he had ever done.
"How do you go about sharing your most important truth, one you spent a lifetime trying to keep deeply buried, to a world that has grown familiar and comfortable with your facade?" he asked.
This story was heartbreaking. An extremely talented person--who did not deserve the personal suffering he endured--reached such desperation that he took his own life.
I hope that his truth and bravery will help to honor his memory in a way that will help other people NOT to keep their truth buried simply because those in their world are familiar with a facade.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The last to know. Acceptance and a sense of the future
As Thanksgiving approaches and motherly sentiments run high, I ponder the reasons why I felt hurt that I was the last to know that my children were gay. Why did it take them each so long to tell me? Does this happen to most parents? Maybe they were hoping I would figure it out for myself. But I didn't. Eventually, they had to tell me. And everybody else already knew!
Maybe their inner turmoil kept the truth bottled up. Maybe society has discriminated against gays so severely, that they are afraid we will be disappointed. Do they keep it from parents because they think they're protecting us? We spend our lives trying to protect them, so maybe that's why "the last to know" hits so hard. By the time I found out each of my children were gay, their dad had died, and I was alone in my acceptance as I created a new sense of the future.
I watched an Oprah show once where her guests were all gay and discussed how and when they told their parents. Carson Kressley admitted that as "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" was about to air, he knew he finally had to go home and tell his mother--before she saw him on television. The conversation went sort of like this: "Mom, I have to tell you something. I'm gay." Her answer: "Newsflash!"
So there is the flip side of the realization coin. Why, if she said, "Newsflash," didn't she bring up the subject with her son years earlier? Obviously she had accepted it long before. Being gay is not a stigma, and if anyone should know early in the realization, it is parents. I hope that more gay children feel they can discuss this with their parents sooner and parents can do the same if they think their child is gay. Acceptance is easier--the sooner we know.
I feel sad that it's so difficult for our children to go through the process of realization and self-acceptance about being gay--and they need us. Wanda Sykes says it's easier to be Black than gay. You don't just wake one morning and tell your mom, "I'm feeling a little Black today."
Most importantly, we love and respect our gay children and will fight for their rights. We just don't want to be the last to know! Have you had to change the "rubber stamp" expectations that come with each child--marriage, children--that sense of the future we want for them? Well stop and realize that those very expectations are the rights of each and every one of our gay children, and it's time those rights are acknowledged. So this Thanksgiving, be thankful for our gay children and hopeful that we mothers can be a driving force toward gay marriage.
Maybe their inner turmoil kept the truth bottled up. Maybe society has discriminated against gays so severely, that they are afraid we will be disappointed. Do they keep it from parents because they think they're protecting us? We spend our lives trying to protect them, so maybe that's why "the last to know" hits so hard. By the time I found out each of my children were gay, their dad had died, and I was alone in my acceptance as I created a new sense of the future.
I watched an Oprah show once where her guests were all gay and discussed how and when they told their parents. Carson Kressley admitted that as "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" was about to air, he knew he finally had to go home and tell his mother--before she saw him on television. The conversation went sort of like this: "Mom, I have to tell you something. I'm gay." Her answer: "Newsflash!"
So there is the flip side of the realization coin. Why, if she said, "Newsflash," didn't she bring up the subject with her son years earlier? Obviously she had accepted it long before. Being gay is not a stigma, and if anyone should know early in the realization, it is parents. I hope that more gay children feel they can discuss this with their parents sooner and parents can do the same if they think their child is gay. Acceptance is easier--the sooner we know.
I feel sad that it's so difficult for our children to go through the process of realization and self-acceptance about being gay--and they need us. Wanda Sykes says it's easier to be Black than gay. You don't just wake one morning and tell your mom, "I'm feeling a little Black today."
Most importantly, we love and respect our gay children and will fight for their rights. We just don't want to be the last to know! Have you had to change the "rubber stamp" expectations that come with each child--marriage, children--that sense of the future we want for them? Well stop and realize that those very expectations are the rights of each and every one of our gay children, and it's time those rights are acknowledged. So this Thanksgiving, be thankful for our gay children and hopeful that we mothers can be a driving force toward gay marriage.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Diocese of Phoenix gave $50,000 to defeat Maine's gay marriage law
What possessed the Catholic Diocese of Phoenix to contribute $50,000 to help defeat gay marriage in Maine? Even the Mormons, who spent a bundle in California, didn't toss any cash at this effort. In Maine, the Diocese of Portland donated $300,000, and other dioceses--including Phoenix--donated $250,000. So, it looks like the Catholics threw enough money at this effort to influence the twistable minds of voters to favor the referendum which on Nov. 3 overturned a state law approving gay marriage. What a disappointment!
As a resident of the Phoenix area, I can't believe that--in this economy with so many local people in need--the bishop would approve such an expenditure. But Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted has been tough on gays. When nine priests in the diocese signed a document affirming gay rights, he insisted they withdraw their support. The one priest who refused was suspended from his duties.
Raised Catholic, I remember reciting from my Baltimore Catechism as a child at Sacred Heart School in Tucson. One of the recitations went like this: "God made us in his image and likeness." Interesting! I guess it should have read "God made us in his image and likeness--except for gays."
As a resident of the Phoenix area, I can't believe that--in this economy with so many local people in need--the bishop would approve such an expenditure. But Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted has been tough on gays. When nine priests in the diocese signed a document affirming gay rights, he insisted they withdraw their support. The one priest who refused was suspended from his duties.
Raised Catholic, I remember reciting from my Baltimore Catechism as a child at Sacred Heart School in Tucson. One of the recitations went like this: "God made us in his image and likeness." Interesting! I guess it should have read "God made us in his image and likeness--except for gays."
Monday, November 16, 2009
New film documents Mormons role in Proposition 8
I just watched 8: The Mormon Proposition trailer on YouTube. The film is very personal for filmmaker, Reed Cowan, who is gay and Mormon. His clashes with his family and their uncompromising beliefs made him realize that other gay mormons were surely having the same problem. But, it was when his own sister supported the gay marriage ban in California, that he decided to pursue the documentary.
Though the documentary is still in production, this trailer has been seen by some 70,000 viewers in the first 3 days online.
When I watched it, I was infuriated and incensed with the Mormon leadership and their inhumane and chilling quest against gay rights--tears streamed down my face watching the gay people who don't deserve this treatment. It was like a knife to the heart.
The Mormons put up 75 percent of the money used to defeat gay marriage in California! Their arrogance and discriminatory tactics are just plain evil.
As a mother, I can't imagine putting the theocracy of mormonism above the love and acceptance of my own child! What kind of cult brainwashing is that?
Though the documentary is still in production, this trailer has been seen by some 70,000 viewers in the first 3 days online.
When I watched it, I was infuriated and incensed with the Mormon leadership and their inhumane and chilling quest against gay rights--tears streamed down my face watching the gay people who don't deserve this treatment. It was like a knife to the heart.
The Mormons put up 75 percent of the money used to defeat gay marriage in California! Their arrogance and discriminatory tactics are just plain evil.
As a mother, I can't imagine putting the theocracy of mormonism above the love and acceptance of my own child! What kind of cult brainwashing is that?
New York Governor David Patterson on gay marriage as a civil rights issue
Although some black leaders don't like the comparison, Gov. Patterson believes that gay people face a civil rights battle comparable to what black Americans faced. "I've wanted to be someone in the African-American community who recognizes the new civil rights struggle that is being undertaken by gay and lesbian and transgendered people," he said.
David Patterson has a long history of supporting same-sex marriage and a genuine comfort level with the gay community. As a youngster, he and his brother would stay with family friends, Uncle Stanley and Uncle Ronald in Harlem when their parents went out of town. A gay couple, Patterson said his uncles helped him with his spelling, read to him and played cards with him.
"I was raised in a culture that understood the different ways that people conduct their lives. And I feel very proud of it."
"All the time when I'd hear Uncle Stanley and Uncle Ronald and my parents talk, they were talking about the civil rights struggle. In those days, I knew I wanted to grow up and feel that I could change something."
Gov. Patterson is correct in fighting for the civil rights of gay people. Gay marriage has nothing to do with government or religion. It is an inherent civil right, and I applaud Gov. Patterson for his fearless stand.
David Patterson has a long history of supporting same-sex marriage and a genuine comfort level with the gay community. As a youngster, he and his brother would stay with family friends, Uncle Stanley and Uncle Ronald in Harlem when their parents went out of town. A gay couple, Patterson said his uncles helped him with his spelling, read to him and played cards with him.
"I was raised in a culture that understood the different ways that people conduct their lives. And I feel very proud of it."
"All the time when I'd hear Uncle Stanley and Uncle Ronald and my parents talk, they were talking about the civil rights struggle. In those days, I knew I wanted to grow up and feel that I could change something."
Gov. Patterson is correct in fighting for the civil rights of gay people. Gay marriage has nothing to do with government or religion. It is an inherent civil right, and I applaud Gov. Patterson for his fearless stand.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Episcopal Church and a wise 85-year-old woman who supports gay rights
In her blog, "The Raving Pundit: How I got so smart in my old age," this brilliant blogger discusses the Episcopal church and gay marriage. "I have been an Episcopalian for 85 years," said June Key. "When Gene Robinson was ordained a Bishop, I called my rector and told him it was one of the proudest days of my church life."
She noted that at the 2009 annual meeting of Episcopal Bishops, they voted to approve ordaining more openly gay clergy and to bless the union of same-sex marriage. And it was a strong approval--l04 in favor and 30 against. She recalled how the opposition spewed fire when Gene Robinson became the first openly gay Bishop and wondered why so many people have misread God's message of love and acceptance.
"Try to cleanse your mind of intolerance and your heart of hatred and replace them with knowledge and love," she said.
So today we honor June Key, an 85-year-old "Mother for Gay Marriage."
She noted that at the 2009 annual meeting of Episcopal Bishops, they voted to approve ordaining more openly gay clergy and to bless the union of same-sex marriage. And it was a strong approval--l04 in favor and 30 against. She recalled how the opposition spewed fire when Gene Robinson became the first openly gay Bishop and wondered why so many people have misread God's message of love and acceptance.
"Try to cleanse your mind of intolerance and your heart of hatred and replace them with knowledge and love," she said.
So today we honor June Key, an 85-year-old "Mother for Gay Marriage."
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Catholic hypocrisy at its worst
Just when Salt Lake City Mormons took their "baby steps" toward gay rights, the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Washington is trying to crucify gays with threats of local social service cuts if the same-sex marriage law is passed.
Talk about hypocrisy! What a hideous insult coming from a church reeling in law suits for decades of covered-up sexual abuse by its priests.
According to The New York Times, Catholic Charities social services arm serves 68,000 local residents, including about a third of the city's homeless people, who go to city-owned shelters managed by the church. It also provides adoption and health care assistance. In the last three years, Catholic Charities has received more than $8.2 million in city contracts.
The bill has the support of the Washington mayor and is expected to pass and includes a measure that would not require religious organizations like the Catholic Church to perform same-sex marraiges.
What gay couple would want to get married in the Catholic Church anyway?
As a person who was raised Catholic and attended 12 years of parochial school, (and sent my two gay children to Catholic school) I am sickened and ashamed.
I always hope that some morning when the Pope slips into his red Prada shoes that he'll step into this century and lead the Catholic Church into a modern ideology that accepts homosexuality. In the meantime, you won't be seeing me at Mass.
Talk about hypocrisy! What a hideous insult coming from a church reeling in law suits for decades of covered-up sexual abuse by its priests.
According to The New York Times, Catholic Charities social services arm serves 68,000 local residents, including about a third of the city's homeless people, who go to city-owned shelters managed by the church. It also provides adoption and health care assistance. In the last three years, Catholic Charities has received more than $8.2 million in city contracts.
The bill has the support of the Washington mayor and is expected to pass and includes a measure that would not require religious organizations like the Catholic Church to perform same-sex marraiges.
What gay couple would want to get married in the Catholic Church anyway?
As a person who was raised Catholic and attended 12 years of parochial school, (and sent my two gay children to Catholic school) I am sickened and ashamed.
I always hope that some morning when the Pope slips into his red Prada shoes that he'll step into this century and lead the Catholic Church into a modern ideology that accepts homosexuality. In the meantime, you won't be seeing me at Mass.
Friday, November 13, 2009
A 10-year-old boy stands up for gay rights!
What makes some kids so smart, sensitive and nondiscriminatory? It's the way they are raised, of course. What about our gay children who were also raised that way and are now discriminated against?
In the article posted here, this 10-year-old boy refused to say the pledge of allegiance because
gay people do not experience "liberty and justice for all." He understands that gays are denied certain civil rights and sees that as unacceptable.
Okay mothers, why should our smart, sensitive, nondiscriminatory children be denied their rights? What we want is acceptance. Gay marriage is a right! That doesn't mean every gay couple has to run out and get married, but they must have the right. Relationships are relationships. Marriage is not a requirement. It is a right.
Who in our society should have the authority NOT to allow gay marriage? Beats me?
My favorite Wanda Sykes quote says it all: "If you don't believe in same sex marriage, don't marry someone of the same sex."
http://www.arktimes.com/articles/articleviewer.aspx?ArticleID=2f5d7a3b-c72a-446b-8d20-3823aa79c021
In the article posted here, this 10-year-old boy refused to say the pledge of allegiance because
gay people do not experience "liberty and justice for all." He understands that gays are denied certain civil rights and sees that as unacceptable.
Okay mothers, why should our smart, sensitive, nondiscriminatory children be denied their rights? What we want is acceptance. Gay marriage is a right! That doesn't mean every gay couple has to run out and get married, but they must have the right. Relationships are relationships. Marriage is not a requirement. It is a right.
Who in our society should have the authority NOT to allow gay marriage? Beats me?
My favorite Wanda Sykes quote says it all: "If you don't believe in same sex marriage, don't marry someone of the same sex."
http://www.arktimes.com/articles/articleviewer.aspx?ArticleID=2f5d7a3b-c72a-446b-8d20-3823aa79c021
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
NY Governor favors gay marriage
Gov. David Patterson of New York wants same-sex marriage legalized. He called it "an issue that touches on the very core of our citizenship." Now there's a man with vision.
Disappointed with the defeat in Maine, like we all were, Patterson hopefully sees New York voters as too savvy to fall for the ridiculous fear mongering campaigns plotted in Maine and California. Their propaganda insinuates that if gay marriage were legal, students would be going on field trips to Lesbian weddings or reading books about gay couples. Confrontational politics is rampant in our country. Talk about brainwashing. Why do people fall for this? Let's face it, today's kids are smarter than we think. They live in a diverse world and they know it!
Maybe if New York legalizes gay marriage, my family can benefit. With both of my children and their partners living in New York, it could make marriage a possibility for them--and a joy for me as a mother. Mothers for gay marriage--as Gov. Patterson called it, "an issue that touches on the very core of our citizenship.
Disappointed with the defeat in Maine, like we all were, Patterson hopefully sees New York voters as too savvy to fall for the ridiculous fear mongering campaigns plotted in Maine and California. Their propaganda insinuates that if gay marriage were legal, students would be going on field trips to Lesbian weddings or reading books about gay couples. Confrontational politics is rampant in our country. Talk about brainwashing. Why do people fall for this? Let's face it, today's kids are smarter than we think. They live in a diverse world and they know it!
Maybe if New York legalizes gay marriage, my family can benefit. With both of my children and their partners living in New York, it could make marriage a possibility for them--and a joy for me as a mother. Mothers for gay marriage--as Gov. Patterson called it, "an issue that touches on the very core of our citizenship.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Wanda Sykes--gay and a mother, says it well!
I love to quote comedian Wanda Sykes.
"If you don't believe in same sex marriage, don't marry someone of the same sex."
Wanda Sykes and her wife Alex are the mothers of twins--a boy and girl. Way to go girls!
"If you don't believe in same sex marriage, don't marry someone of the same sex."
Wanda Sykes and her wife Alex are the mothers of twins--a boy and girl. Way to go girls!
Frank Bruni's mom
In Frank Bruni's beautiful memoir "Born Round," the New York Times restaurant critic has written a wonderful book--on so many levels. I didn't know he was gay until I read the memoir, and his relationship with his mother stood out to me, not only as insightful, loving and fun, but unquestionably accepting. Unfortunately, he lost her to cancer much too soon. But I bet she would have been an advocate for the cause of gay marriage. Read the book. You'll love it!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
An 86-year-old "dad" for gay marriage
This video honors the lifetime beliefs of a WWII veteran and shows his convictions in favor of gay marriage. So today, "Mothers for Gay Marriage" gives a tribute to this dad!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/21/philip-spooner-video-wwii_n_329446.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
Friday, November 6, 2009
Mothers--The Voice of Gay Marriage
As a mother of two gay children, I've finally had it! Yes, I've had it! I can't sit back and let them be denied the right to marry. And I know there are tons of moms out there who feel the same way I do. That's why we can be the force of change. Why do we have to have people VOTING to give our children what should be a right? Why do we have to sit back and LET this ridiculous outdated concept of "marriage is between a man and a woman" continue.
It's time we step out of the shadows and become the voice of gay marriage. Hey, don't mess with moms who have an agenda. Mothers are the greatest vehicle for change, and we mothers of gays know what it feels like to have our children treated unfairly and they deserve the right to marry their life partners. I've had it, and I hope you've had it too. Let's work together to fight for gay marriage. I'm proud of my children, and I want to put my love and respect for them to work. Mothers for Gay Marriage!!! You bet. WE can do it.
It's time we step out of the shadows and become the voice of gay marriage. Hey, don't mess with moms who have an agenda. Mothers are the greatest vehicle for change, and we mothers of gays know what it feels like to have our children treated unfairly and they deserve the right to marry their life partners. I've had it, and I hope you've had it too. Let's work together to fight for gay marriage. I'm proud of my children, and I want to put my love and respect for them to work. Mothers for Gay Marriage!!! You bet. WE can do it.
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