Discouraged

Between politics and propoganda, it seems nothing is getting done on marriage equality or DADT. These issues are mired in political in-fighting and religious wackiness.
Personally, I've lost enthusiasm--probably because one of my brothers was just diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. Putting things in perspective and giving them time lines, makes me realize as he has sped up the fight for his life, all gay issues seem to be constantly slowed down, put on the back burner--luke warm and shoved aside, hoping that they will go away. And then there's the Dream Act--pass it, please.
Discouraged.

PFLAG with Rabbi David Horowitz as their leader

Rabbi David M. Horowitz was recently elected President of PFLAG, an organization that supports parents, family and friends of LGBT children, and he is dedicatated to moving equality forward. In a recent statement Rabbi Horowitz had this to say:
"I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am to have been elected as PFLAG’s National President. You see, I’m a PFLAG dad. I can still recall vividly the day Toby and I walked into our first meeting at PFLAG Akron, Ohio. I was sure I was the only parent in the world who had a gay child (our daughter had come out about a month before). I don’t know whom I thought birthed gay children. I believed I was the only clergy person to have a gay child. I was confused and knew almost nothing about the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community.
PFLAG introduced me to people who were just like me; parents and even clergy parents. I began my education and moved forward with some fear. What would people think? What would the members of my congregation think? It was all so new.
But on the course of my personal journey, something incredible happened.
As I came out as the parent of a lesbian daughter, so did more than 200 families in my congregation who had a close connection to the LGBT community. As I learned more and found myself around this new and expanding family, I became comfortable with my daughter’s sexual orientation and was able to reach out to others. That ability to connect with people – especially those in the very start of their own learning and acceptance process – keeps me an active part of my local chapter today.
...
Together, PFLAG is the family voice of the LGBT community, and our voice is heard from our meeting rooms, to corporate boardrooms, and to the offices in the White House and on Capitol Hill. I am pleased to be a part of that effort."
Rabbi Horowitz is a true, honest and respected representative of parents of LGBT children. What a great example!

Marriage becoming obsolete?

According to the Associated Press, 4 out of 10 people say marriage is becoming obsolete.
I guess they didn't ask any gay people--who continue to struggle for marriage equality. Funny thing about civil rights, when you have them you don't really appreciate them, I guess.
So if nobody really cares about marriage anymore, why is the on-going quest for the rights of gay people to marry such a big hurdle? Beats me!

Who cares?

When Portia DeRossi told her mother she was gay, her mom said she accepted her, but that she should keep it private. That wasn't the right answer, of course. But sometimes as parents we really don't say the right thing when our child tells us he/she is gay. DeRossi said her mother should have just said, "Who cares," and let her be her true self. "Living in fear is all in your head," said Ricky Martin after finally coming out as a gay man.
Usually, the last to know, we parents haven't experienced the agonizing transition that our children have in coming out--and we have to adjust.  I just wish we could be the first to know instead of the last. We care so much for our children that we should be able to help them come out of the closet--come out with them. We need to openly present ourselves as proud parents of gay children. Then maybe all of the anti-gay stuff would dissipate.
In parenting 101, we should be aware of the possibility of having a gay child and be open and aware and not give our children mixed messages or stereotypical expectations. Whether we have a gay child or not, we need to teach acceptance, then maybe the anti-gay discrimination wouldn't exist.
Maybe then the attitude would become, "Who cares."

Proud mother has to shout it out

It is with great pride that I announce that today is my daughter's record release in New York City. Amy Bezunartea's record is called Restaurants & Bars. A singer/songwriter for many years, she recorded these originals several months ago for Kiam Records, the record label of her girlfriend Jennifer O'Connor, a singer/songwriter herself who has produced several records for other artists on Kiam and who herself recorded many times for Matador Records. These lovely and talented women make a great pair.Go to the link below and read Amy's bio and hear two of her songs. "Doubles," is the gay song of the collection--"My baby she works doubles, I can't help her with her troubles, I've got my own. I'm not alone, not alone,"     www.kiamrecords.com/amybez.html
Amy's songs are pure poetry--sensitive, honest and melancholy.
You can also see some recent interviews and reviews at Kiam Records on Facebook including "An interview with Amy Bezunartea--People, Celebrities, Actresses  & Profiles of Gay, Lesbian..."
http://www.afterellen.com/
I wish I could be in New York tonight to see her debut and join my son and his boyfriend and all of Amy's friends and fans to celebrate her accomplishment.
Like Oprah said: "If everyone who was gay would come out, it could change the world."
Here's to Amy! I am so proud.

As a parent, megachurch pastor comes out to help teenagers

A father of four, Jim Swilley, 52 had to finally come out. If it meant saving the life of a teenager, he was willing to risk his career as a pastor. His former wife--who had always know he was gay--convinced him to make the announcement.
This is a courageous and honorable man.
I hope that only good things come from his announcement. As a parent and a gay man he has a two-fold understanding of the importance of his decision.



Megachurch Pastor Comes Out

News
http://www.advocate.com/

Am I Purple!

After many submissions on marriage equality weren't acceptec by The Arizona Republic, finally my letter to the editor on "Bullying of gay children abhorrent," was published today.
Click on it below, and you can read it and see how bloggers can twist this issue into abuse of tea party people--completely insensitive to the issue.
That made my face as purple as my shirt.
But hey, I'm in Arizona. I heard that there were a lot of people in New York wearing purple.
That's progress!
http://www.azcentral.com/php-bin/clicktrack/email.php/9490146

Bishop Gene Robinson speaks out

It's hard to fight the hatemongering religious nuts who classify gays as an abomination, but one among them, Bishop Gene Robinson, has written an insightful article titled "How Religion is Killing Our Most Vulnerable Youth."
It is a worthwhile read.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bishop-gene-robinson/how-religion-is-killing-o_b_764568.html

The Mormons are at it again

They spent millions backing Proposition 8, now the Mormons have taken their anti-gay campaign to Facebook! So far 4,200 of their brainwashed followers have signed up as fans of Boyd K. Packer. The senior leader of the so-called "Church" is spewing his homophobic rhetoric to his choir of believers.
What happened to God created us equal? What about God created us in his image and likeness?
I just don't get religion.

It's up to parents of gays to defend them

What if one or more of those anti-gay homophobic demostrators has a child who is gay and hiding it? What if? What if that child has to stay closeted because of the venomous feelings of his/her parents. How sad is that!
As anti-gay demonstrators go, Rev. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is a disgusting example of the ministry. His own children describe him as a violent, angry man  He teaches them to call gays disgusting, evil freaks. Phelps is the evil freak.
Parents, Parents, Parents. We are the defenders of our gay children. Maybe the public will listen to us. We are the voice that needs to be heard.
Or, are you afraid to admit the fact that you are the parent of a LGBT child? Get over yourself and get your butt out there and protest this discrimiantion of our children.
It is shameful that you are hiding in the shadows. Shameful.

Gays working for non-profits have strong desire to serve others

A few weeks ago, I read an inspiring story in the Huffington Post, by Frank J. Miles, "Come out for Yourself--Stay out for Others." Today I read a recent piece on advocate.com, by Gregory Lewis, which proves Miles' theory. Lewis states that " Analysis of 2000 Census data suggests that smaller gay–straight pay disparities for men in the nonprofit sector, occupational choices, and ability to afford nonprofit employment explain some overrepresentation of partnered gay men but not of partnered lesbians."
"Even after controlling for all these factors, people with same-sex partners remain more likely than married people to work for NPOs, suggesting that a strong desire to serve others is an important factor."
I think that the strong desire to serve others should "stand out" for those of the gay community who have been underserved by society. In spite of that, the gay community is understanding and empathetic to the needs of others.
Good job!

Join We Give A Damn!

Like many parents, I am sickened by hate crimes against, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals. These are our children being punished for who they are. It's heartbreaking and cruel. Cyndi Lauper has made a wonderful contribution to this fight against hate crimes. See the video at wegiveadamn.org and join today.

October 5, 2010 [NEW YORK] – The Give a Damn Campaign, a project of Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Fund, has released its newest public service announcement focusing on hate crimes based on sexual orientation and gender identity. Ricky Martin, Elton John, Idina Menzel, Rachael Harris and Wanda Sykes speak out about the need to bring an end to these senseless acts of violence and intimidation. The PSA saw its world premiere last night on CNN’s Larry King Live during an episode featuring the topic of anti-gay bullying.
In the U.S. one hate crime takes place approximately every hour of every single day. In 2008, the most recent year in which such data is available, 7,783 incidents of hate crime were reported to the FBI.1 out of every 6 of these hate crimes is committed on the basis of sexual orientation.

Give a damn!

Marriage equality isn't redefining anything

Go to the American Foundation for Equal Rights! Check out this great clip of Cynthia Nixon: “Gay people who want to marry, have no desire to redefine marriage in any way. When women got the right to vote, they did not redefine voting… When African Americans got the right to sit at a lunch counter alongside white people, they did not redefine eating out. They were simply invited to the table. And that is all we want to do.”
That's a perfect argument! More people are agreeing with marriage equality every day. What are we waiting for? (I guess it's the upcoming elections. Politicians love to use same-sex marriage as a tactical issue to get votes. Do politicians think we are ignorant?)
As Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon put it, gay people just want to marry like everybody else. They're not trying to redefine marriage.

Change is in the air

According to the American Foundation for Equal Rights, "Support of same-sex marriage is very quickly losings its stigma as a political risk."
Doesn't that make you feel better. Read the attached article.

The Media Message Driving the Sudden Shift on Marriage - Wilshire & Washington on Variety.com

Bipartisan support for marriage equality

Who would have imagined--not only support for marriage equality, but bipartisan support and financial support. Wow.

Last night, the American Foundation for Equal Rights (the organization that led the legal battle to challenge Proposition 8) held a fund-raising event in New York City, where they raised $1.2 million.
Ken Mehlman, former Repubican party official who recently announced he was gay, was one of the chairs of the event--an event with huge support from Wall Street.
“It was an honor to be able to bring together so many to support AFER’s historic effort on behalf of the right of all Americans to marry the person they love,” Mr. Mehlman said in an e-mail to DealBook.
Mehlman thanked the many first-time donors and honored their committment to help the cause for equal rights.
Well, that made my day!

Repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" & pass The Dream Act

These is a must! Bury them in the defense bill to get them through, otherwise political infighting will never allow these issues to be resolved.
Today I read about a decorated Air Force Reserve flight nurse who was outed from the military for being lesbian. She said she spent half her life training to take care of wounded soldiers. She claimed that no one in her unit or any of her patients had issue with her sexual orientation.
"I miss being able to be the one that a soldier looks at, and I can do something for him. I'm not complete, and it kills me to not be there," she said.
As for "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and the Drem Act, how can our country discriminate against people who have so much to offer our country.
We need both!!!!

A protective mother or not?

For the past week or so, I was house boating on Lake Powell--rugged beauty and serenity. There, at Glen Canyon Dam, the waters and tributaries of the Colorado River are backed up 185 miles creating Lake Powell in the bold sandstone canyons.
Our group included some people I hardly knew, so when a few gay slurs erupted here and there I cringed and remained silent. Frankly, it was the last thing I expected since everyone avoided discussing politics or religion. This was all about fun.
I guess they didn't have any sensitivity to gayness.
Right or wrong, in those close quarters, I made a conscious decision to keep silent about my gay children, my commitment to marriage equality and my advocacy for gay issues. I was so defiantly silent, I never even talked about my family at all.
It made me realize again how tough it is for LGBT individuals to come out over and over again. Also, it made me understand that these same people aren't required to announce their sexuality in every situation.
Everyone has personal issues that they protect in specific situations.
At some point, if I socialize with these people again, I'll surely discuss my gay children and my advocacy for marriage equality. But floating around in a big house boat on Lake Powell with them for a week or so, I felt like a protective mother, quiet against the silent canyon walls. Maybe I'm wrong.

"Come out for yourself--stay out for others"

When Ken Mehlman officially announced he is gay on Wednesday, the former Republican National Committee Chairman from 2005-2007, said he wished he had come out while he was the face of the anti-gay Republican party platform.
Good for Ken Mehlman. How difficult it had to be for him to remain closeted for so long and in such an anti-gay environment. He admitted that the Republican anti-gay strategy is a "purely cynical attempt to manipulate the American public."
With his new freedom, Mehlman plants to join the fight for marriage equality.
Way to go!
On the same subject, in a beautiful piece for the Huffington Post on Aug. 31, Frank J. Miles wrote "Come Out for Yourself--Stay Out for Others," and talks with pride about the difficulty and bravery each LGBT individual has to deal with in coming out. But more importantly, he details how that same determination should be used to make important contributions to society. It is an inspiring read! Check it out on the Huffington Post--it will brighten your day!.

Presbyterians whining in Napa

After a 35-year ministry to gays and lesbians across the country, Presbyterian minister, and 68-year-0ld lesbian , Rev. Jane Adams Spahr was found guilty of violating the Presbyterian constitution and her ordination vows for performing same-sex unions during the time marriage equality was legal in California.
Spahr vowed to appeal the ruling, marching out of Covenant Presbyterian Church in Napa, hand in hand with the couples who testified in her favor.
The six-person panel agreed that Spahr's actions did not disrupt the "peace unity and purity of the church" and gave her accolades for her 35-year ministry to the gay community.
What hypocrisy! It's nauseating.
"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority."--Ralph W. Sockman
The minority is courageous and deserves the simple honor and acceptance of tolerance from the majority. Stop your whining and deal with it!

Marriage equality should be just a normal part of American life

Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the ultra-conservative co-host of "The View," said recently, "I actually support gay marriage."
Her viewpoint was refreshing as she offered sincere support for same-sex unions.
To me, it feels like the hard edges of immovable opinion against marriage equality may be softening and moving toward acceptance. I certainly hope so.
This has been a long and tiresome battle for the gay community. Equality shouldn't be such a brutal fight in America.
Now, it's all about patience and persistence to make marriage equality a reality and just a normal part of American life.

In the meantime

After all the excitement over marriage equality becoming a reality in August, it's a bit discouraging to wait until December 6, 2010, when the Court of Appeals will once again address Proposition 8.
Many have said it's worth the wait and that the strength of the decision will soon make marriage equality a national right.
I hope so.
In the meantime, we have to keep positive arguments in favor of marriage equality in the public eye.

Marriage equality may resume in California as soon as August 18

According to the American Foundation for Equal Rights, “The Court’s decision recognizes that there is no reason to delay allowing gay men and lesbians to enjoy the same rights that virtually all other citizens already enjoy.”
Unless anything changes, marriage equality in California can resume as early as August 18th.
This is wonderful news and a fine example to the nation.
It's hard for me to accept that nearly half of America is still against same-sex marriage. What close-mindedness shuts down peoples' thinking?
I read that the American Bar Association in a meeting in San Francisco showed approval for marriage equality. This is a huge step. If lawyers are in favor, that really helps take the negative force out of the fight. They know the constitution and have to support the rights of all citizens.

"the fight of our lives"

On Friday, California Gov. Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown filed legal motions that would allow same-sex marriage to resume immediately. They said it's the right thing to do.
Behind the scenes, the National Organization for Marriage is out to ruin everything. They managed to mess up the proposals for marriage equality in Maine, New York and New Jersey this year, and they just won't stop. Oh, and they have the money to do it.
Fighting against them is Freedom to Marry. But, like all efforts, they need money, too. It feels like we've made huge progress on a national level to fight federal marriage discrimination, and we have to keep marching forward to that goal.
The attached link explains Freedom to Marry's efforts and their need for donations of as little as $10. I'm in! They call it "The fight of our lives," -- and we can't let the bigots and their money overtake us.
http://freedomtomarry.org/page/m/4d89387d/27176e98/4f8233c3/2e14d22e/2411989396/VEsH/

What if ????

So what if marriage equality becomes a national reality?
Will I get to have a "real son-in-law"--my son's partner?
And will I have a "real daughter-in-law" my daughter's partner? I can only hope so.
What JOY that would be!
You see, I'm just like other moms who want my children to have the happiness they deserve--plain and simple, marriage equality.
When Proposition 8 was overturned yesterday, one of the judge's rulings said "that it did nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples." You can't do that in America. Some people keep forgetting that.
I interpret those ideologies as discrimination based in ignorance. Maybe some people just hide within their conservative Christianity, so the discrimination is done for them in doctrines and beliefs, and they don't have to discern "what is inherently right" for themselves. Do you think that's an accepted hiding place?
How are the lessons learned? How does change and acceptance evolve?
Maybe the universe sends some of the answers when a homophobe is blessed with a gay or lesbian child, grandchild, niece or nephew. (My poster boy for that would be Dick Cheney).
Is that where the lessons are learned? Those brilliant, talented gay and lesbian children are sent here to teach us. I am just an ordinary mom who has been enriched and enlightened by my children, their partners and their friends.
Now I wait for marriage equality to become a reality.
So like the Beatles sang:
"Let it be, Let it be.
There will be an answer.
Let it be."
What if ?? Let's keep working toward marriage equality.

Judge Walker overturns Proposition 8 in California

Hurray!
Though Proposition 8 has been overturned today, same-sex marriage will not be allowed to resume in California until legal wrangling of appeals and other written arguments are heard.
According to Judge Vaugh Walker, "Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples."
He goes on to state in his ruling, "Because Proposition 8 disadvantages gay and lesbians without any rational justification, Proposition 8 violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth amendment."
I commend The American Foundation for Equal Rights for their efforts and information that kept supporters of marriage equality in the know during this landmark case. Like many others, I got a text from them minutes after the ruling, and it made my day!!!

"The Kids Are All Right"

This mainstream summer movie, "The Kids Are All Right," starring Julianne Moore and Annette Bening makes a wonderful statement about marriage equality. I love the "double entendre" of the title, too--very clever.
The highly-rated film deals with a lesbian couple and their children, each conceived by the same sperm donor, and the drama unfolds when the oldest child reaches 18 and wants to find their father.
According the Julianne Moore, the movie is not making a political statement. "It's reality. We wouldn't have had a movie like this 20 years ago, but now my kids have friends in these kinds of families--it's not unusual to them. So it's just a movie about marriage."
Progress! Amen.

The feds had to step in to give gay Arizona state workers their benefits back

Arizona is such a humane place. What they take away on a state level has to be fought for on a federal level. Such is the case of state employee benefits for same-sex partners.
This week, U.S. District Judge John Sedwick granted a temporary injunction that will prevent Arizona from enacting a 2009 law that denies insurance benefits to domestic partners. These are state employees who have been granted benefits for years, but Gov. Jan Brewer, in her quest to balance the state budget, axed them. I hope Judge Sedwick--the voice of reason--can make this reversal permanent once again.
In a state where marriage equality is not approved, it was easy for her to budget crunch at the expense of gay and lesbian employees of the state.
It's tough to be gay or Mexican--or both--in Arizona. We can only hope that somewhere in this desert of discrimination, the voice in favor of marriage equality can be heard. It doesn't look like it will happen too soon pardner!

A breath of fresh air toward marriage equality

According to a recent nonpartisan poll, one in four Californians have become more supportive of gay rights over the last five years. The poll, conducted in English and Spanish was based on random phone interviews with more than 3,300 Californians over a two-week period last month.
The poll conducted by the Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit Public Religion Research Institute, examined the attitudes of Californians toward marriage equality two years after the passage of Proposition 8, a state law banning same-sex marriage.
It appears that the winds of change and acceptance are blowing in the right direction in the coastal state--a breath of fresh air toward marriage equality.

Why can't everyone think this way

This is the woman who helped make Massachusetts the first state to legalize same-sex marriage. Talk about someone who understands the essence of marriage equality, the retiring Massachusetts Chief Justice Margaret Marshall stated, "Recognizing the right of an individual to marry a person of the same sex will not diminish the validity or dignity of opposite-sex marriage…If anything…that same-sex couples are willing to embrace marriage's solemn obligations of exclusivity, mutual support, and commitment to one another is a testament to the enduring place of marriage in our laws and in the human spirit."
A brilliant statement from a brilliant woman. Why can't everyone think this way?

"The new Evita" leads Argentina into approving marriage equality

With "the new Evita" President Cristina Fernandez leading Argentina out of the dark ages, same-sex marriage was approved by lawmakers after a 15-hour debate and a long and bitter battle with the country's Catholic hierarchy.
Fernandez is known as a strong supporter of marriage equality and accustomed to politics in Argentina. Her husband, Nestor Kirchner, is the former president and they have two children (which, of course, makes me think that as a mother she is more sensitive to this issue).
As to her fierce battles with the Catholic Church, she said their attitude "is reminiscent of the times of the Inquisition."
Argentina is as gay-friendly a destination as Rio and a place where lawmakers want to show the world how much Argentina has matured.
"Society has grown up. We aren't the same as we were before," said Sen. Daniel Filmus.
So with "the new Evita" at the helm, we can now cry tears of joy for Argentina.

Does parental pride help inspire gay activism?

At 15, Arizonan Caleb Laieski is already an established gay activist. In 2008, he and a friend founded Gays and Lesbians United Against Discrimination in reaction to the votes banning gay marriage in Arizona, California and Florida.
He knew discrimination. He dealt with it at his high school in Surprise, Arizona--west of the Phoenix metropolitan area. The school district should have tried to stop the anti-gay slurs and abuse, he said, but they did nothing. School district officials won't comment but say they have policies in place to prevent harassment.
"Everything I have gone through has inspired my activism," he said.
His pursuits have received a lot of notice and attention from human rights organizations. Many people are surprised at his youth because of his knowledge and accurate information on issues.
Here's the best part for me! When Laieski was recently invited to attend a Human Rights Campaign fundraising dinner, his dad drove him there and stayed.
"There are so many profound things that have happened that it constantly impresses me," Michael Laieski said proudly!
Don't you think his father's acceptance and pride partly gave him the courage to step out there as a gay activist to fight against the ignorance of those who discriminate?
Never underestimate the importance of parental acceptance, openness and pride. I bet his mom feels the same way. Way to go Laieskis!!!

Marriage is being redefined--finally

According to today's New York Times editorial, a federal judge in Massachusetts finally stood up and said there was never a rational basis for the official definition of marriage as only between a man and a woman.
The editorial further agrees with Judge Joseph L. Tauro's outcome that to declare the definition unconstitutional is long overdue.
In an Associated Press article published yesterday regarding the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, Judge Tauro wrote: "Congress undertook this classification for the one purpose that lies entirely outside of legislative bounds, to disadvantage a group of which it disapproves. And such a classification the Constitution clearly will not permit."
Marriage equality seems to be heading in the right direction.

What happened to the "Aloha" state of mind?

So what's the deal? I always thought Hawaii was this laid back balmy vacation land where everything was groovy.
Then, what's with their governor, Linda Lingle? She vetoed the legislation that would allow same-sex couples the same rights and benefits that the state provides married couples, "ending months of speculation on how she would weigh in on the contentious, emotional debate."
Hawaii? That surprised me. But I didn't know anything about Linda Lingle, so I googled her. Not only is she the first female governor of Hawaii, she's the first Republican since 1962 and the first Jewish governor. She has been married and divorced twice and has no children.
From what I read, my take is that her "contentious and emotionless life" influenced her complete lack of empathy for the gay community. How did Hawaii, of all places, end up with her as governor?

So what if you're gay and Mexican in Arizona?

I can't take it. I wish Obama could wield his constitutional axe and get rid of SB1070.
So what if you're gay and Mexican? Does your life become a living hell in Arizona?
So what if you've worked here with a fake social security card for years and had all of those withholding taxes taken out of your check--and you know you can never file for an income tax return? Where is all that dinero? Nobody ever talks about that.
Two of the hardest working and most brilliant young women I know are Mexican and lesbian--illegal immigrants. Under different circumstances they might be CEO's. Here they are maids.
They are well educated. They have studied and learned to speak English. They work harder than anybody I know. They are happier and more positive than most people. They have learned how to stay under the Sheriff Joe Arpaio radar.
We used to have a lot more fun with them. We could ride in the same car, go to lunch, laugh and tell funny stories. Now we hardly ever see them anymore.
That's sad. Arizona has gone backward!

Arizona's a mixed-up melting pot of political goo

Unfortunately, not much is happening in our world of marriage equality pursuit. Is everyone on vacation? Are they too busy chasing Mexicans out of Arizona?
Many gay rights groups are boycotting Arizona because they feel that "SB 1070 essentially declares an entire class of people to be inherently criminal on the basis of their race and appearance."
The chairman of the the Greater Phoenix Gay and Lesbian Chamber of commerce, voiced his concern because the boycott could hurt their own members.
The Human Rights Campaign feels that SB 1070 has the potential of discriminating against any type of group, including LGBT.
Worst case scenario: What is you were a transgender Mexican dressed as a female and were stopped by Sheriff Joe's crew because your brake light was out (supposedly)??? Ay dios mio!
National news is so busy with SB 1070, it has gone unnoticed that last year Gov. Jan Brewer stripped away earned health insurance benefits from same-sex domestic partners of state employees." What will Jan "brew up" next?
We don't even have state parks or rest stops open anymore (nothing to see and nowhere to pee). It's looking like the "Wild West" again. The guns are loaded with political darts shooting in all directions, and nobody benefits but the politicians.
And here we wait and wait for marriage equality. No doubt, Gov. Jan Brew-up will screw up that too!

'8:The Mormom Proposition' the documentary now in theaters

Though this documentary is designed to expose the fact that the Mormon Church put up $22 million (75% of the total) to defeat marriage equality in California, the underlying story is even more disturbing--that gays are not accepted by their Mormon families.
Most of these gays are "former" Mormons now. And, sadly, they have to live underground because their families don't want them. And to make matters worse, they have a staggering suicide rate among these gay individuals. That is shameful.
How can a religion that claims family values as their core denounce their own and then go against separation of church and state with underground financial support for such a discriminatory proposition? This should never have happened.
I haven't had the opportunity to see the documentary yet, because I'm up in the high mountains of Arizona where there are no theaters or other city amenities--just pine trees and elk and peace and quiet (and probably some Mormons).
I intend to see it, and expect it to be very upsetting.

Overturn Proposition 8

Judge Walker is about to make the decision on overturning Proposition 8!
We all know that marriage is a basic and fundamental civil right. Your voice can be heard by going to The American Foundation for Equal Rights web site at www.equalrightsfoundation.org and signing up for the updates.
Also, text "Equal" to 69866. I just did.
Overturning Proposition 8 would be another huge step toward marriage equality.
Your support is important.

Gay Guilt

So what about parents who play the guilt game by blaming one another for their child being gay?
"You babied him too much," the father says.
"You never played sports with him," the mother says.
"You got her involved in too many sports," the mother says.
"Well, you are such a feminist, this is what you did to her," the father says.
It goes on and on.
Is it necessary? Is it stereotypical? Is it part of that nature and nurture theory?
Maybe it's just part of the parental pathway to realization and acceptance.
Why does a gay child have to feel guilty? why do the parents have to feel guilty?
It's all so ridiculous.
Do you agonize or argue over the other genetic attributes of your child?
We should not cast a shadow on our children or ourselves. If we do, then we have something to be guilty about.

Marriage equality is the correct pursuit

As I learn to be an advocate, I am taught by my mentors that I should use the term "marriage equality" in my pursuit for just that--marriage equality. I thank Tim and Louie for correcting me on the proper terminology.
And they are right. Marriage equality is exactly what we are seeking. It is not a separate or different kind of marriage. It is marriage between two people who love and care for one another "til death do us part." Amen. It makes it even more profound and more important for it to become a reality.
Marriage equality takes away all the silly and stupid stereotypes that clog the minds of people and make them categorize marriage. It's so simple--so why is equality so hard!
I am not gay. I don't know what if feels like to be gay. But I sure as hell know what it feels like to be the mother of two gay children. And I want them to have "equality" in every way.
Thank you Tim and Louie for teaching me that marriage equality is the proper terminology for what we seek. It elevates relationships to the proper level.

Our gay children are our first priority

One thing I've learned from gay individuals, whose input has inspired me, is that our job as parents is even more important than we realize. Though I think it is imperative that we parents be the voice of gay marriage, I find that our unconditional love and acceptance is more personally appreciated by our children than our representing them on a political platform toward same-sex marriage.
We still have to be in the battle. We still have to continue to fight for them and represent their needs in society--their rights to equality and their rights to same-sex marriage.
But more than anything, we have to care about them. They are our children. They are our joy.

When you change, the world changes with you

As an openly-supportive mother of gay children, I have made a transition that gives me respect in my circle of family and friends. Complete openness is disarming and freeing. And, believe me, when you change, the world changes with you.
No longer do I see someone smack a spouse who is making a disparaging anti-gay remark and give him that look, then watch the cartoon bubble seemingly appear above his head: "Oops, I forgot, Pat's kids are gay."
There are no gay slurs. It's no longer "the gossip" whispered behind my back.
When a secret isn't a secret anymore, what is it? Poof, it evaporates into reality and acceptance.
I talk freely, openly and proudly about my children and their partners--just like everybody else. Why did I ever have the feeling that I couldn't? They are equally loved and respected and enjoyed by family and friends.
As parents of gays, I guess we allow ourselves to be backed into a closet of our own sometimes.
Openness is not confession--it's freedom. I know, nobody called to tell you their kids were heterosexual, so why do we have to go there. We just do!
If you haven't done it. It's time. Remember, when you change, watch your world change with you.
And really, it's bigger than you and me. As the world changes with us, maybe the attitude and respect for the gay community will change, too. Soon the reality of same-sex marriage will come to pass, and, again, everyone will wonder what all the fuss was about.

Show your support

I just added my name to "Repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell. " Add your name too!
http://my.barack.obama.com/RepealDADT-share.
Then I added my name and support to "Freedom to Marry." It's a gay, non-gay coalition located at http://www.freedomtomarry.org/.
These are grass-roots efforts that get the public support behind our causes. We have to participate or our voices are silent--especially as mothers and parents of gays. Our voices need to be heard!
Think about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." For example, approximately 13,500 service personnel have been outed because of this useless policy. In the beginning of the Iraq war, 320 service people who spoke Arabic and Farsi were expelled because of their sexual orientation. Not only is this ridiculous, it is harmful to our national security. My looming question is how will a gay person enlist in the military with this new approach??? Do you check the gay box on the application?
On another front, "Freedom to Marry" is an impressive, honest and clear presentation of the support for the rights of same-sex couples to marry. It is a commendable effort and needs our participation.
So, show your support!

The Milk man may get his day

We all know the story, or have seen the movie, about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to win elected office in a major U.S. city--a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.
In 1978, when he and Mayor George Moscone were assassinated at City Hall by former supervisor Dan White, nobody expected that murder to have the far-reaching significance it still holds.
This past weekend, commemorative events were held across the country to observe what would have been Milk's 80th birthday. Californians are still trying to establish May 22 as Harvey Milk Day.
"The creation of the first official day of recognition for any openly gay person in the history of this country has really touched people, many of whom have been closeted in life or faced rejection or government discrimination which continues to this day," said Geoffrey Kors, executive director of the gay-rights group Equality California.
I hope there is a Harvey Milk Day. I hope parents of gays support it and continue to "come out of the closet" themselves and fight for the rights of their children. We're more powerful than we realize.

Gay parenting 101: Unconditional love

When country-western singer, Chely Wright came out as lesbian recently, she expected her parents to treat her as damaged goods. And, as the only openly gay country-western star, she figured her fans would abandon her. But that hasn't happened.
On yesterday's Oprah show, Chely Wright said, "I feel like I'm about two weeks old. I had to come out to be whole. I had to take my power back."
Her father was in the audience and spoke of his unconditional love. "I knew her heart, her mind, her soul."
"There's nothing you can't get through," he said. "Don't close the door on your child. Open your heart."
Chely Wright is hoping her new-found openness with help other gays to come out. And her father's attitude is a bonus for her and an example to other parents of gay children.
"Oprah, you can't compromise your love for your child," he said.
Thanks Mr. Wright. You're a model parent of a lesbian daughter. Good job!

See your children for who they really are

Moms, take a good look at your gay child and his/her partner. What do you see? Push aside your fragile position on the same-sex part of the relationship and look again at the individuals.
You may see something wonderful there. As a couple, do their personalities blend and complement one another? Are they lively, happy, laughing--having fun together. Do they share the same talents and gifts--the same idealogies and intelects? Do they have a sense of the future together? Gee, maybe they chose someone who represents the idealogies and expectations of your family and their upbringing. Enjoy that. Respect it. That's what matters.
They're not some dirty little secret to be held tightly in your gut.
They are part of your family. Have they had to create a family within a community where they are accepted? That's not fair. You're doing them--and yourself--an injustice.
Is that why so many gays have to run away to San Francicso--or places where they can start a life in a community where they don't face ridicule or unacceptance?
Well, I guess we really can't change anything outwardly to improve the rights of gays until we change what's going on within. Once we see our children for who they really are and are proud of their relationships and their accomplishments, then maybe the rest of society will open their eyes, too.

The "New Normal"

Are you one of those mothers who isn't comfortable with other people knowing you are the parent of a gay or lesbian? Not acknowledging your child's homosexuality hurts your son or daughter more than you know. So why not talk about it?
When you tell someone your son is gay or your daughter is lesbian, it's not a confession!
It's our "New Normal" moms.
Are you the mom who bragged about your child's school, grades, athletic ability, artistic talent or musical skill? So, why did you become so quiet when you found out that same child was gay or lesbian?????? Were your expectations altered? Are you still getting over what other people might think? There is no cookie-cutter child or storybook family. We all have to adjust.
I live in the "New Normal" openly now.
Maybe if our public attitude about our children is as positive and honest as our private attitude, we can help to create a stronger perception toward equality for gays in every aspect of society--including same-sex marriage.
And the more we talk about it, the more "normal" it becomes. The bonus is a better relationship with your son/daughter and his/her partner. And isn't that what it's all about?
I wouldn't trade my "New Normal" for anything.

Episcopalians and Politicians

What makes Episcopalians so 21st century?
They just ordained and consecrated the Rev. Mary Glasspool a bishop--an openly-gay woman. Wow. A woman bishop. A lesbian bishop.
In 2003, turmoil erupted when the Episcopal Church ordained the first openly gay bishop, V. Gene Robinson. It seems to have worked out just fine, so Bishop Glasspool should have an easier time making the transition.
Are Episcopalians the only ones who got the memo?

And what makes politicians so behind the times?
Take the nomination of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court, for example. In the dirt-digging phase of her confirmation, it has "come out" that in 2003, as dean of Harvard Law School, Kagan was against military recruiting at Harvard because it excluded openly gay and lesbian students stating it was "a profound wrong--a moral injustice of the first order." With the support of other faculty members, they tried to ban recruitment, but it was ultimately ruled by the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that on-campus recruitment could not be banned.
Now the personal life of Kagan, an unmarried woman, has become Republican fodder, insinuating that she is lesbian. They even showed a picture of her playing softball to force-feed their stereotype. Oh, let's see, she's unmarried and at some point in her life played softball = lesbian. The White House said she is not lesbian, and her friends have been "coming out" to prove she's heterosexual. This is ridiculous. What century are these politicians living in? Maybe they should consult with the Episcopal Church and update their ideaology. Since when has one's sexualilty become a requirement for serving on the Supreme Court?
From everything I've seen and read about Elena Kagan, she sounds brilliant--a fantastic choice for the Supreme Court.
I hope Kagan is serving when California's ban on gay marriage is struck down by a lower court and has to go to the Supreme Court.
Can Bishop Mary Glasspool lead the prayer?

Do ask, Do tell!

Note: This is an older post that has been reprinted because it's worth repeating.

Okay, I'm just an ordinary mother of a gay son and a lesbian daughter. Does that make me different? What does society expect of me? Am I supposed disappear into the background knowing my children will never be able to marry--accept it?
When someone would ask if my kids were married, I used to answer, "No, they're both gay." End of conversation.
What had I said? What ideological void had I trapped myself within? I was actually admitting that they could never marry.
Now, I've changed. No longer will I disappear into the leper colony of silence set aside for mothers of gays. My new dialogue goes like this when asked the marriage question: "No, but they should be. They're both in committed same-sex relationships, so, when gay marriage is inevitably approved, they will have the choice to marry. I dearly love my children and their partners. They deserve the right to marry. I deserve to see it happen."
So you see, we ordinary moms with gay children have to change our personal dialogue and encourage others to realize the important human right of same-sex marriage. When it finally happens, maybe someday people will forget what all the fuss was all about, and we can be proud moms with married children.

Have you really "come out" as the parent of a gay child?

Note: This is an older post that I reprinted because it is personal and I thought important to other mothers of gays.

When I first began blogging as an advocate for gay marriage, I wasn't sure I had a voice or a platform that I could sustain. My daughter, Amy, was the inspiration for the blog, and, frankly, I was a little nervous about putting myself out there. But it's been quite cathartic!
For one thing, over the past few months, I've realized that I had never totally "come out" as a parent of gay children. Of course, acceptance had happened years earlier, but it was private and protective--held closely with family and friends. Back then, my kids didn't want me to be "open" about their "gayness" anyway. So I was silent.
Until recently, I didn't know I had allowed society to cast me as a second-class parent. I had accepted the back seat on the bus with the other parents of gays--that quiet spot where we know that our children are treated differently and unfairly, and we can't do anything about it.
You know that place. It's where you hear gay slurs, gay jokes, gay innuendo--that gut punch you internalize in silence. Why are we supposed to accept that? I just can't do it anymore! Now I'm braver.
The other day when a friend said, "My gay neighbors invited us to a party," that was the first time I ever said, "Don't they have names?" Then I mentioned, "You wouldn't tell me your heterosexual neighbors invited you to a party." But, then I asked, "Why do people always refer to gay couples that way?" She rolled her eyes in embarrassment and claimed from now on she would refer to them by their names. "They are good friends, and it never occurred to me what I was doing."
We need to make people aware of the sensibilities connected with "gay etiquette." Is there a Miss Manners of gay etiquette? Maybe elevated treatment or reference will push away some of the ridiculous notions that there is a different set of rules for gays. There shouldn't be. They deserve the same rights as everyone else.
So it's time to "come out" as full-fledged parents of gay children and speak up.

Note: Other older posts I recommend are: Jan 9, 2010: Ages and Ages and Attitude Changes; Nov. 23, 2009, The Last to Know--Acceptance and a Sense of the Future; Nov. 6, 2009, Mothers--The Voice of Gay Marriage.

Mother's Day and the gay gene

What do Mother's Day and the gay gene have in common? A lot. Guess what, my son probably got the X chromosome with the genetic DNA marker called Xq28 from me! That's why he is gay. Since girls get an X chromosome from each parent, some scientists say there's "a battle between the X's," and it's not clear--and they say that the X's are not in agreement. Hey, my late-husband and I were always in agreement. Clearly, the scientists agreed that more research needs to be done on lesbian women.
I'd love to volunteer my DNA for testing of the gay gene. That fascinates me. For now, I'll take credit for the gay gene my daughter received, too. These and many other studies are not absolute, but they certainly shed light on what I've always believed--there is a gay gene.
Most studies, however, have been done on males. Not surprisingly, research money is not readily available to study the gay gene, because it's a politically volatile issue and some scientists fear researchers would work to eradicate the gay gene.
Studies done on gay brothers and identical twins have had successful outcomes in identifying good old Xq28.
Other studies done on the hypothalamus of the brain connect it to sexual orientation as well. This was discovered in work with sheep, where 8 percent of domestic rams are exclusively interested in sex with other rams. When these rams were studied, the comparison in the size of the oSDN--a densley-packed cluster of neurons in the hypothalamus of their brains--was similar to that found in the brain scans of gay males in the study. The hypothalamus regulates body temperature, blood pressure and sexual behavior.
Many researchers are themselves gay and lesbian and devoted to this biological research. It is important work for all those who are gay and for those of us who have parented gay children.
So, as Mother's Day approaches, we have even more reason to be the voice of support for gay marriage. It's our responsibility mothers!

Could women have saved the Catholic Church?

"What would Mary do?" That was the cover story of a recent Newsweek magazine, showing a familiar likeness of the Blessed Mother.
According to the bible, Jesus surrounded himself with strong women. Therefore, it seems that Jesus would have wanted women doing his work at the highest levels.
It makes me wonder if the lack of women in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church has created the imbalance that allowed for the ongoing sexual abuse of children by pedophile priests. And what about all the secrecy and cover-ups? It's hideous!
As children in Catholic school, we were taught right from wrong--our knuckles smacked with rulers by nuns when we didn't obey. I wish those same nuns could have smacked some priests' knuckles as they reached for obedient children to molest.
The Catholic Church needs women--needs their instinct and influence. It's unnatural to have a group of men cut off from the real world. They put themselves above and apart from marriage, families and children. They swagger around in their robes--executives in the wealthy corporation that is the Catholic Church protecting their assets at the expense of the asses of little boys.
Here's an example of the way it could be: look at the Episcopal Church. Since 1974, when women were first ordained priests, they initiated strict policies to prevent abuse--and to report any abuse to secular authorities. They created awareness and prevention programs (no adult is allowed to be alone with a child, and the doors are never locked). And because the Episcopal Church welcomes diversity, gay clergy are among its leaders. Women in leadership create balance!
But, out of balance, we now have the Vicar of Christ on earth, Pope Benedict XVI (previously known as "God's Rottweiler"), pacing the lumpy rugs of the Vatican where he has shoved so many abuse cases out of sight that even the Blessed Mother can't help him.
"Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen."

The "institution" of marriage

Today's Facebook entry from my niece went like this: "So let me get this straight--Larry King is on his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time, Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING, yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what is going to detroy the institution of marriage??? Really??"
My son's comment to that was: "Something to think about while watching "The Bachelor." There's no way gays could make a bigger mess of marriage than those entitled to it already have," he said.
Comedian Sarah Silverman said, "Marriage in its current state is barbaric," and she is not interested unless same-sex people can marry.
I couldn't agree more!

Obama gives health care rights to gay partners

In another humane and fair step by President Obama, he ordered that all hospitals who receive Medicare and Medicaid payments must grant same-sex couples the equal rights that immediate family have always experienced.
"All to often people are made to suffer or even pass away alone, denied the comfort of companionship in their final moments while a loved one is left worrying and pacing down the hall," Obama said.
He said that in the past gay and lesbian Americans had often been barred from the bedsides of the partners they had spent decades of their lives with "unable to be there for the person they love, and unable to act as a legal surrogate if their partner is incapacitated."
Could same-sex marriage be far behind?

Not enough signatures to get Proposition 8 repealed on the California ballot

What! This is hard to believe. The measure to repeal California's Proposition 8, the anti-gay marriage initiative has failed to qualify for the ballot.
They didn't get enough signatures. They needed 694,000.
Where were you people who voted against Proposition 8 in 2008??? More than 6 million people voted against the proposition, which was beaten by a 53% - 47% vote.
John Henning, who heads a group that sponsored the repeal effort, declined to say how many signatures had been gathered.
Was it just a diluted effort that didn't have enough volunteers behind it? Frankly, I'm shocked.
I can't believe Californians would allow the opportunity to repeal Proposition 8 to slip away.

A Catholic school classmate part of the pedophila scandal in Rome

I promised myself I wouldn't comment on the recent "troubles" in the Catholic Church, but then I read about my former childhood (Sacred Heart School, Tucson) classmate, Msgr. Robert Trupia, in this morning's newspaper. I was shocked when Trupia's story of pedophilia as a priest and Monsignor first broke in the early 1990's. He was suspended from his priestly duties by Bishop Manuel Moreno, Diosese of Tucson in 1992. But he was still on the payroll until 2001, because it took the former Cardinal Ratzinger--now Pope Benedict XVI--until 2001 to have him officially defrocked for defrocking and sexually abusing children. Since, only the Vatican can formally remove a priest from ministry, Cardinal Ratzinger, who was the in-charge guy, shuffled Trupia's case around various Vatican departments for nearly ten years.
From what I recall about "Bobby" Trupia from elementary school, he was a strange kid. He spent all of his time with his mother, who was always shrouded in black clothing--her head covered with a long mantilla that she tied under her chin. They spent a lot of time in church together praying the Rosary and saying the Stations of the Cross. He was a mushy, nerdy kid, and I can't remember him having any friends, or if he was picked on by other kids. I wonder what went on at home? He was an only child, and his father eventually left the family--good Catholic fathers didn't do that in the 1950s. Was it something about his mother? Mrs. Trupia was an odd lady. She was always around school and church, but kids avoided her--all wrapped in her black garb.
Afrter eighth grade, Bobby Trupia went to the seminary. At that time, it seemed the logical step for his life of constant devotion. Was his mother happy? Was the seminary his only form of escape? Or was he just an innocent overprotected boy when he went to the seminary? What happened there? Why did he end up a pedophile? If any of his actions were known, why was he elevated to a Monsignor--one of the heirarchy of the Catholic Church?
I wonder if Msgr. Trupia preached against same-sex marriage? Probably.
I wonder if his mother was alive to see him shrouded in the black humiliation of his secret life?

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to get the boot

Supposedly, there will be no more witch hunts, behind-the-scenes tactics and outings of gay service members since the Pentagon acted to lift the ban on gays serving openly in the military.
Defense Secretary Robert Gates initiated the new rules ahead of Congressional approval of the President's goal of repealing the "don't ask, don't tell" ruling of 1993.
The changes--intended to be effective immediately--reflect "common sense and common decency for handling what are complex and difficult issues for all involved," Gates said.
Sounds good. But, of course, it's not that simple or accepted by many in the military who oppose the repeal--in spite of the fact that they are obligated to follow policies enunciated by the President.
Since 1993, it is estimated that 13,000 gay service members--including 428 officers and enlisted members last year--have been discharged under the law. So that means that the "don't ask" part worked, but the "don't tell" part didn't.
Here's an example: Mike Almy, a former Air Force major was dismissed in 2006 when a routine computer check turned up personal e-mails he had written while deployed in Iraq. Those e-mails were given to his commander who slapped the discharge papers on him marked "homosexual admission." If these new guidelines had been in effect, Almy would still be serving our country as a major in the Air Force.
This is ridiculous. If gay men and women want to serve in the military, let them. Gay and lesbian Americans are part of every profession in this country. It seems to be working just fine. Why would it hurt military effectiveness? Oh that's right, the Marine Corps' commandant is afraid of other military personnel sharing rooms with homosexuals. They're not predators, Gen. Conway. Are you homophobic?
Why do they have to hide who they are to serve our country?
So, give "don't ask, don't tell" the boot, and if you don't like it, you can "vote with your feet," as they say in the military, and retire from the service--or just salute each other and deal with it, then maybe some day you'll get invited to a same-sex wedding!

A horse is a horse, of course, of course and J.D. Hayworth is a horse's ass

Recently, on the Rachel Maddow show, J. D. Hayworth proved once again that he is a horse's ass. He had earlier claimed that the same-sex marriage law in Massachusetts defines marriage as the establishment of intimacy. His interpretation of that was "You could marry your horse."
I wonder what Mr. Ed would have said about that!
And, of course, of course, Rachel Maddow, an openly gay political commentator had a heyday with Hayworth. She outsmarted him at every turn.
Republican, Hayworth must feel confident of his conservative following to say something so outright ignorant. I suppose that's why people like me are blessed with gay children--not people like J.D. Hayworthless.
As I write this while I wait for the glorious Arizona sun to rise, I can't believe that "arrogant" J.D. Hayworth was my congressman for 6 terms (I never voted for him, and I remember when he was just a sportscaster on our local news). At least now we have Harry Mitchell, a Democrat who soundly defeated Hayworth in 2006 and is doing a great job representing our district--a man I trust and will support and campaign for in his re-election.
Now Hayworth has taken his dog and pony show into the race for John McCain's senate seat. It will be interesting to see which horse wins that race.

Another mother for gay marriage

My 87-year-old mother, who suffers from dementia, lives with me now. Every day is like ground hog day, but she still has her common sense and logic and will often amaze me with her opinions on things.
A few weeks ago she was reading the newspaper--mainly to figure out what month, day and year it was--and she saw a story about a lesbian couple getting married in Washington, D.C. "I think people should marry whoever they want to," she said. I looked up a little surprised and said, "You're absolutely right."
I know that opinion doesn't come from the fact that my kids are gay. She forgets that, and I have to remind her regularly. Then she always says, "That's right, you have a lot of that in your family." She forgets everything about her other 30 grandkids, too.
I've never discussed same-sex marriage with her and she has no idea that I blog about it (or what a blog is), so a seed was never planted in her Irish-Catholic, novena-saying, Rosary-reciting self.
So, for now, I'm considering her as another "mother for gay marriage." You're never too old or too forgetful to have an honest opinion.

It's just a prom

How scary is it to live in Jackson, Miss? The entire prom was cancelled at a local high school because a lesbian student wanted to attend with her girlfriend.
Enter Ellen DeGeneres. She had the student on her show to call attention to this ridiculous outcome, and to the girl's surprise the talk-show host pulled out a giant check for a $30,000 college scholarship. The scholarship was courtesy of Tonic.com, a digital media company.
Meantime, back at the Itawamba County School District, a hearing is scheduled for Monday where the ACLU is trying to force the district hold the prom.
Well, I guess we won't be seeing any initiative toward same-sex marriage in Jackson, Miss. any time soon.

Viva la ciudad de Mexico

Gay and lesbian couples registered for marriage licenses Thursday in Mexico City when Latin America's first gay-marriage law took effect. Wedding bells can begin ringing in a week to 10 days when the paperwork is processed.
The new law will give married gay couples the same rights as heterosexual couples, including the right to adopt children, apply for bank loans together, inherit their spouse's money or be included on a spouse's insurance policy.
I hope Mexico City will be a shining example for the rest of Latin America!

D.C. gays line up for marriage licenses--finally

Just blocks from the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday, a long line of gay couples waited at the marriage bureau--for their marriage licenses. Yes, March 3 was the first day that same-sex unions became legal in our nations' capital!!
Now the sixth place in the nation to approve same-sex marriage, Washington joins Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Vermont.
Still 44 to go!

Are gay Oympians treated differently?

What about gay Olympians? They are proud examples of each country they represent. Is it an issue or not--I've never really known. Are they treated fairly--open or closeted?
Do the same Americans who discriminate against gays feel pride when an openly gay or lesbian American athlete wins a medal in the Olympics? I sure hope so.
As it turns out, homophobia in the Olympics is nothing new. Though things are changing, in the past many athletes remained closeted as competitors.
For example, Mark Tewksbury, 1992 Canadian gold medal swimmer came out in 1998 and even wrote a memoir about being a gay athlete. He said that at that time being in the Olympics was like being in an occupied country. "I was never sure who to talk to. If I made a mistake, it could have been the end of my livelihood."
Vancouver's attitude was welcoming to gay athletes, coaches and family members. Tewksbury was even invited to speak to the Canadian team before they walked into the opening ceremonies--as who he is, an openly gay athlete.
Though he didn't win a medal, American Olympic figure skater, Johnny Weir was flamboyant in costuming and hairstyle and exuded confidence in his performing skills--a very comfortable gay man. That's a good thing, because he was called Johnny Weird (the "d" is silent) and told he was too gay. On the Joy Behar show, she asked how he felt about being called "too gay."
"I just wish they would think before they actually said it. There are so many kids like me, coming after me, whose parents might repress them just because they saw what they said about me, that their kids are going to turn out like me. And I think me is pretty fabulous."
And I think you're pretty fabulous too, Johnny. You deserve a "medal of honor."

Have you noticed--same-sex marriage is being ignored

What happened to the pursuit of gay marriage lately? Is everyone so busy politicizing every other current issue in this country that ours is forgotten?
Maybe it's because same-sex marriage is so uncomplicated and straightforward. People will be happy. It doesn't cost the government any money. No high-paid lobbyists are needed behind the scenes to make underhanded deals.
A lot of politicians are afraid to support same-sex marriage. In reality, it appears there is only one thing politicians are interested in--themselves.
Maybe that's why our issue is being ignored.
Moms, we need to create a stir.

The Gospel according to Elton John

Elton John expressed his unique point of view in a recent interview with Parade magazine.
"I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems."
"On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don't know what makes people so cruel."
Jesus, a gay man? Why not. It's something to think about, isn't it. Elton John never ceases to amaze me.

Even Dick Cheney is on our side

It's amazing how our children influence our thinking. Dick Cheney is a good example. Last weekend on ABC's "This Week," Cheney stated that it was time to reconsider the ridiculous "don't ask, don't tell" ban on gays in the military. He is confident that it will be changed, and most Americans agree--in particular 81 percent of young adults. Besides, those are the people in the military. He also approves of same-sex marriage.
It must be noted that the usually gnarly right-wing politician has developed the same perspective that we other mothers and fathers of gays have developed. He also has no objection to gay marriage because of the fine example of commitment shown by his lesbian daughter, Mary and her longtime partner, Heather Poe, who are raising two children together.
This is very honorable of Cheney and shows the love and respect he has for his daughter--the same appreciation we other parents of gays have for our children. They have taught us a lot!

Happy Valentine's Day

A mom's heart is always full of good wishes for her children--especially on Valentine's Day. Maybe one day soon, same-sex marriage will be approved and create even more meaning on Valentine's Day for our gay children.
In the online effort to get one million people to become fans of gay marriage, there are already more than a million signed up. That's great. And the latest polls show that three-fourths of Americans approve of gays serving openly in the military.
That's progress, but there's a lot of work ahead--and a mom's heart is full of hope.

Join Today

I just joined and you can join, too. It's called "I bet we can find 1,000,000 people who suport same-sex marriage." Quite an impressive and successful campaign. See, there's a lot of support out there.
Reasons to oppose gay marriage?
None
Nada
Nil
Zero
Zilch
Zip
So go to "I bet we can find 1,000,000 people who support same-sex marriage." Do it now. There were a lot of moms who joined.

Gays in history

It's interesting to note the important contribution gay artists have made throughout history.

Leonardo da Vinci way gay. His historic and famous mural of The Last Supper was completed in 1498. The mural depicts the reaction of each apostle when Jesus said that one of them would betray him. I wonder if Leonardo envisioned that the Catholic church would betray gays for centuries to come?

Michelangelo was gay. His incredible fresco adorns the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel at the Vatican in Rome. Commissioned by Pope Julius II, Michelangelo created his masterpiece between 1508-1512. I wonder if the Pope knew he was gay?

Strangely, though da Vinci and Michelangelo lived and worked in the same era, it is said that they disliked each other intensely. Go figure!

Don't ask, don't tell--a political mine field

Finally, after 17 years of "don't ask, don't tell," Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Defense Secretary Robert Gates echoed their agreement that the law should be repealed allowing gay and lesbian Americans to serve openly in the military. This is a significant step.
As Adm. Mullen testified, "No matter how I look at the issue, I cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy that forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens."
"For me it comes down to integrity--theirs as individuals and ours as an institution," he said.
I was impressed by his honesty and eloquence. It's about time someone stood up to the outdated concept of "don't ask, don't tell."
Of course it's being turned into a political mine field and could take until 2012 to be integrated, because the naysayers and foot draggers (who worry more about the showers than the battlefields) will have to mess with it as long as possible.
Vice President Joe Biden wants the policy ended this year.
Personally, I'm not aware that the "invisible gays" in the military have caused major problems. But I am aware that American servicemen have an embarrassing history of fathering illegitimate, culturally shunned and abandoned children around the world. (And then there was that female soldier, Army Pvt. Lynnde England who tortured prisoners at Abu Graib and got pregnant and on and on).
Interestingly, somewhere in the background, The Pentagon--for the first time--has quietly approved a measure that permits military bases worldwide to offer the morning-after pill, an emergency contraceptive. I'll call that, "do ask (for the pill), don't tell (that you had unprotected sex)." I agree that this is a smart move and no doubt will go into effect immediately.
In the meantime, we need to put pressure on our leaders to step through the political mine field and repeal "don't ask, don't tell" quickly. (Then, once we get same-sex marriage approved, gays in uniform can marry. Oops, we don't dare talk about that yet!)

Gay marriage trial paused for judge's review

After 12 days of testimony on the meaning of marriage, the nature of sexual orientation and the role of religion in shaping attitudes, this first federal case to decide if the U.S. Constitution prevents states from preventing or stopping same-sex marriages was halted in San Francisco yesterday. The judge said he will take time to review the evidence before allowing closing arguments. The trail will probably resume in March or April.
We must hope for fairness and justice at last.

Cindy McCain a surprising supporter of gay marriage and the California Gay Marriage Trial

On Monday, January 11, the California Gay Marriage Trial began in the federal courthouse in San Francisco with Federal Court Judge Vaughn Walker presiding. Wow, wouldn't it be wonderful if the plaintiffs could take the case against Proposition 8 all the way to the Supreme Court and, hopefully, end the discrimination across the nation.
Remember, where it is legal, gay marriage has been approved by legislatures and courts--not voters. With Proposition 8, voters were twisted by the social conservatives into banning gay marriage.
As many have voiced, same-sex marriage approval is a lot like interracial marriage, which was finally allowed in 1967. Otherwise, we might never have had Barack Obama as President of the United States. Now, all these years later, it's time for gay marriage to win the day in court--and like interracial marriage, someday everyone will forget what all the fuss was about.
And of all things political, now we have Cindy McCain on our side. At first I balked at the idea, since I'm not of the Republican persuasion, and John McCain stands against gay marriage. But now, since Cindy McCain is a mother for gay marriage, I'm proud of her courage. Sometimes a child is the force that changes our hearts and minds and makes us realize that something we had never stood up for before is right. This time, daughter, Meghan McCain must have influenced her mother in a powerful way for her to stand up for gay marriage and be gutsy enough to take the ridicule she has received and still become a catalyst for change.
This is why I say that mothers are a strong force to bring about the realization and understanding that our gay children deserve the right to marry. Touch the heart of a mother and she will stand up for what is right--that's what Cindy McCain did.

Pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act

Though it seems like discrimination based on sexual orientation should be ancient history in the workplace, a bill that was first introduced in Congress in 1994--the Employment Non-Discrimination Act-- may finally pass in 2010. The bill would protect individuals from being fired or denied jobs or promotions based on their sexual orientation and now includes a provision to protect transgender people as well.
Hard to believe, isn't it. Yet there is still opposition to the bill.
Fortunately, my congressman, Harry Mitchell, D-Ariz, who is co-sponsor of the bill, sees it as an issue of fairness. Arizona is one of 29 states where employees can still be fired for their sexual orientation, he said. Unbelievable, I say.
"Why would you want to exclude anybody who is industrious, smart and could do the job? That's just crazy," he said.
President Obama has promised to sign the bill, which is expected to reach a vote in the first quarter of this year.
Fortunately, I have never seen discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation and can't imagine how heartbreaking it would be. Pass the bill--finally.

The gay gene

So, what genetic link in your family is responsible for your child or children being gay? We've all wondered about it. The other night I had this discussion with a visiting relative who refuses to believe that her side of the family could harbor any gay genes. Her denial irked me in a way that made me furious and defensive. Then I calmed down and thought--who cares! Why does it have to be a blame game? I firmly believe sexual orientation is an inherited trait and am merely curious about the genetic link--not accusational. What is she so afraid of?
Maybe someday we will be able to claim family credit for the gay gene the same way we take credit for the genetic link to I.Q., creativity, talent and more. So there!

Lesbian lawmaker a surrogate mother

In of all places--Utah--Rep. Christine Johnson, D-Salt Lake City, announced she is carrying a baby for two gay men. Even though the men were married in California when gay marriage was legal, they were unable to adopt in Utah. Johnson offered to become artificially impregnated with sperm from one of the men, and the baby is due on June 21. She did this at no cost. Usually, hiring a surrogate costs as much as $100,000, though the men will pick up all medical costs. She predicts they will be wonderful parents.
Johnson, 41, who has a 17-year-old daughter from a two-year marriage said she empathized with their desire to become parents. "I'm immeasurably grateful to be a mother," she said.

Portugal to become sixth country in Europe to permit gay marriage

Portugal--a predominantly Catholic country-- passed a bill last week to allow gay marriage. Though the bill was supported by parties on the left, their conservative president is expected to ratify it. The first gay marriage ceremonies could take place as early as April.
Oops, that's just a month before Pope Benedict XVI is scheduled for his official visit.

Ages and ages and attitude changes

My open support of gay rights recently led to a discussion with a couple from the older generation of lesbian women whose own mothers either ignored or did not acknowledge their gayness. As a matter of fact, one felt her own flesh-and-blood mother was embarrassed of her and simply denied the fact that she was gay in order to protect her social position or image--or whatever. How sad, ridiculous and hurtful. Her mother never even talked with her about her being gay. Hiding or ignoring is the biggest sin mothers or fathers of gay children can commit. What kind of scars do many older gay people carry with them--silently accepting their anguished position. How can you allow some fake societal expectation to perpetuate your own feelings toward your child.
I certainly hope we have changed through the years and now offer strength and acceptance to the younger generation of gays. We should honor the older generation who have unfairly endured the burden of silence and discrimination--yet led wonderful and productive lives with their partners in spite of it. They are the examples of commitment that helped to power the ongoing efforts toward same-sex marriage, and we thank them.

Gay and lesbian chambers of commerce

I wasn't aware of the many gay and lesbian chambers of commerce around the country until I read about the local Phoenix chamber in my morning newspaper and researched the many groups across the country--including the national organization.
Today's Arizona Republic read: "The Greater Phoenix Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce donated $30,000 in toys to Phoenix Children's Hospital's child-life program. The chamber collected more than 2,500 toys from its members, area retailers and other donors during its holiday drive, organizers said." That's great!
These organizations are an asset to many communities and surely have a respected voice in the quest for same-sex marriage.

Movement underway to ban divorce in California

To fight the hypocrisy of California's Proposition 8, John Marcotte, a Sacramento web designer, has started a campaign to make divorce illegal in California.
So, all those who vowed "Til death do us part," would be stuck with each other!
Since Proposition 8 supposedly protects the sanctity of traditional marriage, Marcotte thinks voters should have no issue with banning divorce. Such irony. This is a seriously satirical undertaking that makes Proposition 8 look even more nonsensical.
Marcotte, a 38-year-old married, Catholic, Democrat and father of two (who voted against Proposition 8) needs 694,354 signatures by March 22 to make this happen. At a recent "ban divorce" rally he held in Sacramento, some people sported signs that read, "You too can vote to take away civil rights from someone."
Currently, the U.S. divorce rate is almost 50 percent, but oddly enough, California is one of the six states that doesn't report divorce rates. Wonder why? How high could they be?
California has always been a progressive state, and "for better or worse" Proposition 8 makes them look ridiculous.
So, here's to "Til death do us part," California! No more divorce for you!
Oh, I forgot. You can always get annulments like the Catholics. That's enough hypocrisy for one day!